6 things you need to consider before responding to that unpleasant work email

Intro

We’ve all been there before, so let’s figure out how to move forward. Today, we will discuss what to do when you receive an unpleasant, angry, or passive-aggressive work email.

Technology is tricky enough, and it seems to get more confusing when you think of all of its nuances. For example, email can feel like such a complex method of communication because, sometimes when we use it, it can be highly formal. Still, in others, we respond so quickly that it can feel super casual.

Now that smartphones have powerful email capabilities, sending an email response can be as quick and convenient as text messaging. As easy at that makes our lives, what gets lost in text-based communication is tone and body language. These are the things that indicate where the speaker was coming from and what their intention was. Sometimes we send messages so quickly that we forget to check for how they may come across to the person on the receiving ends. Sometimes even though it isn’t the sender’s goal, they can send an email that feels angry, demanding, or hostile.

So what do we do when we’re on the receiving end of these messages? Whether it is a reprimanding email from a manager or a frustrated email from a client or partner, a rude or passive-agressive email is never easy to process. You may feel personally offended or even want to jump into fix-it mode ASAP to correct the issue. However, the most important thing to note in these situations is that time is on our side. We don’t actually need to follow our gut instincts here. Instead, we can take time to process and act in a tactful way. So let’s discuss how to handle hostile or passive-aggressive work emails thoughtfully to understand how we can respond most professionally.

Take a deep breath and step back from the keyboard.

Decide whether it’s worth your energy to get riled up. Usually, it isn’t. However, if you feel yourself getting emotional, it may even help you create a change of pace for yourself physically. For example, it could be a good idea to get up and move away from the device where you received the unpleasant email. Leave your desk, take a quick walk, or even talk to a trusted coworker or friend for an outside perspective. This location change will help you gain some mental clarity before you return to respond to the email.

Try sleeping on your response if you do all of these steps and are still feeling too emotional to act rationally. Remember, email isn’t a text thread with your bestie – you can take some time to respond.

It’s important to note that this method only works if the email doesn’t require an immediate response. Overall, giving yourself some space from the issue and getting a good night’s rest can allow you to reflect and respond from a neutral and level-headed place. Thoughtfulness is the preferred alternative to sending back an emotional email that will only fuel the fire.

Reread the email

Try rereading the email once you’ve had the chance to clear your head. Sometimes we get so caught up in our emotions that things seem worse than they are. It may even help you break up what is being said sentence by sentence to try to understand the root issue that the sender is having. This way, you’ll have a deepened sense of clarity as you craft your response.

Keep a level head

While many of us like to pop off, we have to remember that we are still in a work setting and that we have to keep it cool and remain professional. It would be such a shame for a heat of the moment spur of anger to be the reason you were reprimanded at work or, worse, lose your job.

No matter how far left this message has come from, matching energies won’t solve the issue. On the contrary, it could just worsen the situation. Instead, your response to a rude email should be neutral in tone and objective – emotions removed.

Consider the sender’s perspective.

Though we often come to our defense, sometimes we can be in the wrong. Try putting yourself in the sender’s shoes for a second: ask yourself whether their requests were out of the ordinary or if there was some basis behind them.

You’ll want to ask yourself whether you dropped the ball on your responsibilities or if you’re being confronted about something that wasn’t in your control. 

While it’s usually evident that what they said was upsetting, it’s also essential to consider its intention, aka the why. Of course, we all hate to receive a rude email but considering the sender’s side of things may open your eyes to an entirely new view of the situation.

Decide which format is best for responding.

Evaluate the severity of the message you’ve received before replying to it. Then think through whether it would be better for you to respond through text or phone. 

If you’re reading this post, you’re likely on the receiving end of a message that potentially got lost in translation. Do you want to add insult to injury by returning a fiery message? 

Not everyone has a way with words. Even worse yet when it comes to written words. Sometimes a phone call or video chat is all you need to clear the air and eliminate some of the issues that can arise with written communications.

Think about the big picture of your career

Sometimes when we’re in the heat of the moment, our defensiveness can get heightened. So you’ll want to avoid any sudden actions that can sacrifice your sense of professionalism. 

We want to avoid burning bridges at all costs – this way, the person you’re dealing with knows that they can communicate with you amicably in the future once this issue is resolved. Relationships are everything, and it would be a loss to throw a potentially solid one away over a poorly written email. 

Conclusion

No matter how hard we work to remain on our Ps and Qs, it’s inevitable that we’ll face conflict or passive aggression during our careers. Though it’s easy to get offended and respond emotionally, it’s essential to take a step back and think through our reactions before responding. Taking some time away before replying to think and sort through your feelings can make a huge difference.

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